Green Street Hooligans: elijah wood can take a punch. who knew?

last night, instead of getting a good night's sleep before my copyright final like a normal person, i stayed up until 3:30am watching Green Street Hooligans. it goes without saying that my grade is probably going to suffer, but it was worth it.

the moose was my exam; the statue was me...

Green Street Hooligans is a fantastic movie. elijah wood stars as a kid who get's expelled from harvard because his preppy roommate through him under the bus when the school found drugs in their room. in order to make himself feel better, the preppy bastard give elijah $10,000. at first frodo says no way, but then realizes he's fucked anyway, he might as well get some cash. so he takes the money, packs his bags, and heads to london to see his older sister (played by the fantastically hot claire forlani). elijah meets his sister's husband's brother, who is a soccer hooligan (though we don't really know that yet). in order to get some alone time with the sister, the husband gives elijah some cash and makes his brother take him to the soccer match. i would've shoved the little midget out the door to get some nookie with claire forlani too, manners be damned. it's once elijah and the brother (pete, played by the british guy from undeclared) head out that things get interesting.

this movie is all about soccer hooliganism. across the pond, soccer teams have "firms," which are basically gangs consisting of people worse than patriots, raiders, and packers fans all put together. what do these firms do? they do what any good fan does, get shitfaced and beat the living shit out of the fans (here, firms) of other teams. these guys pretty much rule certain parts of london, but they only fight each other. it's like fight club, but with more drinking and in public. and really, that's what makes this movie cool. it's an indepth look at the life of a soccer hooligan (goddamn hooligan is a fun word to say. hooligan hooligan hooligan), basically exploring who they are, why they do it, and just how obsessed these people are with their teams. but they're not obsessed in the pussy way that american fans are obsessed (ie, wearing team colors all the time, getting a team-themed room in their house, making their wife/prostitute call them lombardi during sex). no, these guys are obsessed in that they live and breathe their teams, and are completely willing to whip the everloving shit out of you for liking some other team. if we had this kind of rivalries in the states, the entire eastern seaboard would have killed each other off. and really, wouldn't that make the world a better place?

imagine being able to curb-stomp these guys, and NOT be the result of a nationwide manhunt... *sigh*

so the movie explores little elijah's descent into the world of hooliganism (hooliganism hooliganism hooliganism... sweeeeeeet), and the inevitable consequences (broken noses, blood, learning how to not hit like a girl, etc). this isn't a documentary, and there is actually a good story in there, so don't feel like watching this movie is akin to doing homework or *shudder* learning... the music is good, the direction is good, the way the movie is shot is good. maybe this is because the chick who directed this did punisher: war zone, and she sure can film people getting seven shades of shit knocked out of them. so grab a pint, put on your favorite west ham united jersey, and enjoy this movie.

oh, and watch it with the subtitles on. you can't understand those limey fucks for shit otherwise...

Green Street Hooligans: could've used more boobs, but still pretty damn good.