Music in Movies: I'll try to make this one more intelligent.

a few notes.

first, for the few people on this site that don't know about/haven't read aaron's music blog (i'm mostly looking at my MSU friends and the occasional facebook friend), you should check it out here. as i said in the last post, aaron is a much better writer than i am, and his posts are usually intelligent, whereas mine quickly devolve into casual swearing, frustrated rants, and the occasional poop joke. i went through some of aaron's posts last night, and it really is great stuff. also, his blog is a great way to pick up on new music, and that's a hell of a lot better than trying to listen to 99% of the garbage played on the radio (thank god i have xm in the jeep).

second, on tv shows: netflix streaming video is the greatest thing ever, especially since i can watch it through my ps3. why, you ask?

1. i was finally able to finish out The Shield. a great show for anyone who knows something about the Rampart scandal in LA back in 90s. this show is a little less realistic than The Wire (i think), but it's still written well, pulls no punches, and has a conclusion that actually leaves one feeling satisfied.
2. i got caught up on Rescue Me. dennis leary is the man. this show perfectly blends humor and drama, though i do think the constant references to 9/11 are getting a bit old. however, since it's all about firefighters in NYC, i suppose it makes sense.
3. Dexter. thanks to brett for this letting me know about this one. it's twisted stuff, and delightfully macabre humor. also, i have a strange attraction to the sister on the show, as well as the latina lieutenant. i think it's the hips. i definitely need to "acquire" the last two seasons, as they're not on netflix streaming.
4. Lost. this show has sucked me in. i hope it's just because i've been bored lately. if not, i blame gina, pat, and brad.
   
5. Spartacus: Blood and Sand. by watching this on netflix, i don't have to subscribe to Starz. this show is basically the movie 300, but with crappier effects, better acting, and way, WAY more boobs. there's so much casual nudity in this that i've actually become desensitized. if you've ever wondered what lucy lawless (xena: warrior princess) looked like topless, well, watch the show. good stuff there.

ok, so moving on to the point of this post: music in movies. i went through my itunes and sorted by the genre "soundtrack." now, i've renamed all of the genres in my itunes (a most laborious process) to simplify my categorization, so that genre basically includes any music found in any tv show or movie, whether it be a song or a film's score. all in all, i have 5.45 gigs of the stuff (1150 songs, 2.7 days). to me, that's a lot. to some, that's probably nothing (*cough*AARON*cough). for my total itunes, soundtracks basically make up about 1/6th of my music. not too shabby.

for this post, i'm going to focus more on the score of a film as opposed to movie taking a bunch of songs from various artists. both have their merits, but i tend to appreciate scores more than soundtracks, as they're more tailored to the movie. for example, i don't think david bowie and freddie mercury made Under Pressure with the intention that it be used in Grosse Pointe Blank, even though it's one of the most perfectly fit songs in any movie scene ever.

anyway, as i've said before, music can really make or break a movie. imagine Jaws without that wonderful shark theme, Star Wars without the imperial march, Indiana Jones without the raiders' march (the main theme), or basically any other john williams score. and it's not just john williams, either. danny elfman has some greats (Batman, Big Top Pee-Wee, Edward Scissorhands, Spider-Man). everyone knows what danny elfman's or john williams' music sounds like: if you don't know the Batman theme or the Star Wars theme, i don't want to know you.

however, there are also a lot of composers that most people would recognize if they heard them, but can't really name. it goes without saying that the following guys all did way more movies than just the ones i've named, but these are just may favorites. anyway, these unsung heroes (HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PUN) are:

• alan silvestri. he did Forrest Gump, Back to the Future, The Abyss, and Predator. without fail, the theme to Forrest Gump gives me goosebumps. it's sad, yet somehow inspiring. the Back to the Future music is just fun.
  
• basil poledouris. he did Conan the Barbarian, Robocop, and The Hunt for Red October. also many other great 80s movies (Red Dawn). lot of kettle drum in this stuff. every time i listen to the Conan soundtrack, i feel the urge to grab a giant sword and avenge my family's [nonexistent] death. instead i go work out.
  
• randy edelman. Last of the Mohicans, Dragonheart (you've heard the main theme to this in about a million different movie trailers), and Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (again, you've heard it in movie trailers). the only way i can really think to describe this music is noble.
  
• clint mansell. Requiem for a Dream, Smokin' Aces, The Fountain, The Wrestler, Moon. mansell's music is always haunting, and usually pretty trippy. it's also very understated and subtle, but it leaves an impact.
  
• hans zimmer. The Rock, Gladiator, Black Hawk Down, Last Samurai, Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and The Dark Knight. Last Samurai and Gladiator are my favorites here. lots of percussion, and they get the blood roused. i think i've written more papers in college and law school to the Last Samurai than anything else.
  
• henry mancini. the only two i have are the Peter Gunn theme (also known as the Spy Hunter theme for any of you that played the old video game, and it was used in Blues Brothers as well) and the love theme from Romeo and Juliet (1970 version). both are great. try driving while listening to the Peter Gunn theme; you feel like a pimp.
  
• howard shore. Lord of the Rings, The Aviator, The Fly, Philadelphia, Silence of the Lambs, Se7en. yeah, this guy's got a few oscars.
  
• james horner. Braveheart, Apollo 13, The Rocketeer, Beautiful Mind, Legends of the Fall, Patriot Games and Clear and Present Danger. Braveheart is the clear winner here. i'll admit it, i've gotten choked up listening to the music from that movie. FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
  
• jerry goldsmith. Rudy, First Knight, Powder, 13th Warrior, The Ghost in the Darkness, Alien, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, First Blood, and The Omen. this dude's got some pretty decent range. Alien and The Omen are creepy, Ghost in the Darkness is a great blend of African tribal and colonial america fife music, and Rudy, well, Rudy is amazing. again, i get choked up at that music, just because it so perfectly brings to mind when Rudy gets that sack at the end, and he finally made it. god i love that movie. best sports movie ever, even better than Hoosiers.
  
• klaus badelt. he did the first Pirates of the Caribbean. that's really all he needed to do, because that music is just plain awesome.
  
• thomas newman. Shawshank Redemption, Wall-E, The Green Mile, American Beauty. the man's been nominated for 10 damn oscars, and never won. another reason to hate the oscars.
• bill conti. Karate Kid, The Right Stuff, and Rocky. ever work out/run to the Rocky theme? i'm not talking about eye of the tiger or the final countdown, i'm talking about the BA ba BA ba BadaDA dadada theme. yeah, you can't help but smile and feel like a badass, and you know you want to raise up both arms in the double fistpump. it's great.
  

so that's pretty much a list of the big name composers. there are many more, i'm sure, but those are the ones i listen to frequently. what makes each of these guys so great is that they've managed to capture the tone and feeling behind a movie and put it into the form of music. they tell a wordless story and bring to mind images of nobility, passion, excitement, rage, desperation, sadness, wistfulness, or what have you. they've taken music and inextricably linked it with the film so that one cannot be remembered without the other. and yes, the music is as memorable as it is because the movie itself is good, but at the same time, crappy music can make a good movie just as crappy.

a perfect example of this was Shutter Island. the movie itself was pretty decent, had a solid double-twist ending (not nearly as good as the Triple Lindy). i really didn't have any problems with the acting, directing, story, cinematography, or the other fundamental components of a watchable movie. no, the only problem i had was the music. in the very beginning of the movie, the two federal marshals are heading to the island on a ferry. this is the intro to the movie, so we know absolutely nothing about the characters, the island, or the plot. one would think that the accompanying score would be some kind of mellow, potentially ominous music, you know, something subtle.

no, instead we got heavy percussion more fitting for a scene where chainsaw wielding maniac is chasing a nubile camp counselor. it just didn't fit, and it got to the point where the music made the movie ridiculous, similar to what i said about the original Last House on the Left (here). needless to say, the discord between the plot and the music continued for the rest of the movie, and i was highly bothered by it. i just went to imdb to try to find the composer for this movie, and lo and behold, there wasn't one. instead there's a sound department and a music department, both with editors and supervisors, but no actual composer. weird. maybe that's why it sucked.

anyway, i guess if there's any real point to this post, it's that music is as fundamental and important to a movie as actors, directors, or writers, but that it's often overlooked. with few exceptions, people come out of movies raving about the acting, the story, or the camerawork, but they rarely ever come out saying, "man, the music was awesome." however, if you actually go out and listen to the music on its own, years later, you'll find yourself not only emotionally transported back to the time you first saw the movie, but you'll find a whole new appreciation for the music as a separate work. plus, if you're anything like me, you hate doing any kind of work in silence, and movie scores often provide the perfect background music. i once tried to write a paper in college while listening to nothing but DMX, jay-z, and eminem. when i proofread it the next day, the tone and pace of the paper definitely reflected the music choice. not a good idea for a political philosophy class, though DMX's philosophy of "MAN, I GIVE Y'ALL NIGGAZ THE B'INESS FOR FUCKIN WIT ME" probably does have its merits.

in closing, what are everyone's favorite movie scores? my top 5 (in no particular order) are Braveheart, Conan the Barbarian, Rudy, Star Wars, and Last Samurai. i'm sure there are a few out there that i missed, so let me know what you think.

The Transition: Summer Movie Guide (part 2)

i've started watching Lost. i'm not proud of it, but i finally gave in to the peer pressure. i have a few friends who watch and love the show, and i respect their opinions (except for brad; fuck that guy), so i figured i'd bite the bullet. i'm halfway through the first season, and the show is already starting to piss me off by making me ask a lot of questions. a chilling vision of things to come...

anyway, on to the movies coming out in the latter half of the summer.

july:

• on the 2nd we get The Last Airbender. the trailers have made it out to be a pretty decent epic, and i guess the anime it's based on is sweet. i like the idea of the premise, namely that each element (air, fire, water, and earth) have their own faction, and a guy who can manipulate each element must stop the fire faction from taking over. that's really enough to get me to go see it. however, i only have one holdup: m. night. shamalamadingdong is directing this one, and he also wrote it. let's chart his career, shall we? Sixth Sense = damn good, and that twist really got people at the end. Unbreakable = his best movie in my opinion, but i love superhero stories and bruce willis. Signs = still decent (though some hated it), but the twist at the end was retarded. only my liking of mel gibson kept me from being upset by it. The Village = good twist, bad rest of movie. still, a noticeable pattern here. Lady in the Water = fuck all this was bad. one of the worst movies i've ever seen, and i've seen Gigli. The Happening = wow. just wow. plants are killing us all through pheremones? marky mark outrunning the wind? this was better than Lady in the water SOLELY because it has zooey deschanel in it, and i want a threesome with her and katy perry. so yeah, i'm a little skeptical that m. night can take The Last Airbender and not fuck it up. prove me wrong, m. night. prove me wrong...
  
• july 9th brings us Despicable Me. i have a 3 yr old nephew; thus, i have to see any animated movie that looks mildly entertaining. oddly enough, this usually works out in my favor. anything pixar does is great, and dreamworks usually puts out good stuff as well; Monsters vs. Aliens was actually pretty damn funny. plus, at heart i'm still a big kid (just now a big kid who likes seeing gratuitous female nudity and violence), so i don't really mind seeing kid movies. also, Despicable me has some great voice talent: steve carell, kristen wiig, jason segel, will arnett, ken jeong (who gina hates), danny mcbride, russell brand, and best of all, jemaine clement from Flight of the Concords. i'll see anything that man does.
• what's the exact opposite of a kid's movie? Predators, which also comes out on july 9th and which i will definitely be seeing. i wrote about this movie in my sci-fi horror/thriller post a bit (maybe you should go read that post, you know, if you haven't already). it's directed by a guy named nimrod. historical references aside, i can't help but find this funny. i am not mature. i'm intrigued to see how badass topher grace and adrien brody can be. however, as long as this movie has 1) someone's head/arm/leg getting blown off by a shoulder laser cannon, and 2) someone getting impaled on those badass arm spikes, i'll be satisfied.
• on july 16th, nic cage stars in another jerry bruckheimer/disney movie, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. as i've already said, these movies, while not "good" and certainly not oscar winners, tend to be entertaining. also, i'm now going on record and saying that i love nic cage. the man rocks. he did his his serious acting bit in Leaving Las Vegas, won an oscar for it, and it's like he decided after that that he would spend the rest of his career being completely off his nut. he overacts the shit out of his scenes, his hair is always terrible, and his jokes are even worse, but goddamn the man is entertaining. i honestly cannot think of a nic cage movie i don't like. i'm going to have to write a separate post solely about nic cage. maybe tomorrow. oh, yeah, the movie. anyway, this will definitely be a great visual movie, and jay baruchel is usually pretty funny, so it'll be a fine summer popcorn flick.
• so The Sorcerer's Apprentice will be a shallow, easy-going, fun movie. going up against it that weekend is Inception. these two movies are polar opposites. i have no idea what Inception is about (most people don't), and the trailer is trippy as hell and makes no real sense. none of that matters, because this is the latest movie by christopher nolan. if you didn't know, that's the guy who directed and helped write Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Prestige, and Memento. every single one of those movies rocks so much face it's unbelievable. nolan could shit in a box and shine a light through it, and i'd still pay $8 to go see it on a friday night. this movie will be awesome, and then in another 2 years nolan will put out the next batman movie. god i can't wait.
• on july 23rd, Dinner for Schmucks. i don't know anything about this other than that it has paul rudd, steve carell, jemaine clement, and zach galifianakis. that's really all i need to know. i'll even overlook the fact that the movie is directed by the guy who did Meet the Fockers and 50 First Dates. oh, also, one of the 7 writers of this movie is the guy who wrote 148 episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire. i loved that show. a young tyra banks, the carlton dance, and hip black comedy that a white lower-middle class kid from rural michigan could laugh at. good times.
• that actually rounds out july. not as many great movies as the earlier months, but the high points could be pretty damn high. also, with all the other activities in july (the 4th, a possible camping/canoeing trip/copious drinking), i won't feel bad not spending all of my time in a movie theater.
  

august:

• on the 6th, we get The Other Guys. this is some cop comedy with will ferrell, marky mark, samuel l. jackson, the rock, michael keaton, eva mendes, ray stevenson (see my post about Outpost and british horror movies), anne heche, steve coogan, rob riggle, ok jesus christ, i'm not writing any more of the people in this movie. i mean damn, who isn't in this movie? all that's left is fucking paris hilton. /checks imdb page again. damn, she's in it too. and it's written/directed by the guy who did Anchorman. crap. i'm calling it now, this thing will either crash and burn like Stepbrothers, or it will be the most quoted movie of the next 2 years like Anchorman. there will be no middle ground.
• also on the 6th, Step Up 3-D ... just kidding.
• on the 13th, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. this is another one based on a comic, but it's like a weird indie comic, so it doesn't count. as a threshold matter, here's some pros and cons of this movie. Pros: mary elizabeth winstead (here's a hot younger actress for you Nate), chris evans, brandon routh (starred in Superman Returns and was crap, but was the lover of a gay porn star in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, so he's forgiven). Cons: kieran culkin (weird-lookin), anna kendrick (Up in the Air was overrated), and jason schawrtzman (he just rubs me the wrong way). the biggest con of all, though, is that this movie stars michael cera, and it looks like it could possibly be similar to Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. that movie was the worst bit of indie-emo bullshit i've ever seen. not even kat denning's massive, massive breasts could save it. cera was great in Superbad and Arrested Development, but the guy is a one trick pony. whether that's his fault or simply what they make him do, i don't know, but i hate him for it. "hey, look at me, i'm stumbling all over my words and sound like my balls haven't dropped. i'm 22 and can still pass for 14." for some reason, this guy reminds me of what aaron was probably like when he was 14, and for that aaron, i'm sorry, but i just can't get the visual out of my head. if it makes you feel any better, i was the worst kind of awkward at 14, so don't feel bad. anyway, as much as i hate michael cera, i'll still see this movie because it's written and directed by edgar wright, who did 3 of my all-time favorite productions: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Spaced (see my simon pegg post). because of wright, i now have to see this, and i'm gonna have to find a girl to go see it with. damn.
• luckily, to get rid of the taste of complete pussiness that Scott Pilgrim vs. The World could leave in my mouth, the 13th of august brings what could be the best bad movie of the summer: The Expendables. sly stallone decided we needed an old-school 80s action movie where a bunch of mercs overthrow a south american dictator. thank you stallone... thank you. this movie has so many [former] greats: stallone, ivan drago, jet li, jason statham, eric roberts, steve austin, randy couture, mickey rourke, terry crews, bruce willis, the governator, danny trejo... oh man, it's just too awesome. if there's a cameo by steven seagal and/or JCVD, i'll die a happy man. if steven seagal plays a guitar or JCVD does the splits, i'll die right in the theater. oh, also, projected body count: 153. projected life-threatening injuries to main characters: 0.
  
• ok, i was wrong. the movie that finishes out the summer will easily be the best bad movie of the summer, most likely of the year: Piranha 3-D. the cast of this one reads like a celebrity rehab call sheet: dina meyer (the hot redhead in Starship Troopers), elisabeth shue (who doesn't still love her from The Karate Kid, really?), christopher lloyd (gigawats!), ving rhames (we need a slightly menacing black man, stat!), richard dreyfuss (what we're dealing with here is an eating machine...), and jerry o'connell (uh, Sliders?). wow. combine all that bad acting with some mutant piranhas, gory death scenes, tons of jiggling spring break breasts, and then imagine it all flying towards you in truly crappy 3-D. if there's a better way to transition from movies back to sports, i don't know it.

september really doesn't seem to hold anything worthwhile, but it's hard to say right now. there's always some stuff off the radar, and who knows what'll show up in 5 months. by then, i'll be too busy tailgating for MSU football games, updating my fantasy football roster, and planning a halloween trip to vegas to care.

well, that's about it for the summer movie crop. i'll be going to see Kick-Ass on friday, so there'll be a post about it sometime this weekend. it'll either be A) me being tremendously happy, B) me being slightly disappointed, but still pleased, or C) me cursing hollywood for their sins. either way, i'll try to make with the funny.

as big daddy drew would say, yours in the comments.

The Transition from Sports to Movies: A Summer Movie Preview (part one)

it may come as a surprise to many of you, but i hate baseball. thus, the end of april pretty much signifies the end of my sports watching, with the exception of the NFL draft. i'll probably casually watch the NBA finals, and maybe parts of the NBA draft (can pretty much thank Nate for that), and maybe a bit of the NHL playoffs, but really, unless something mind-blowing happens, i couldn't care less. i feel like there's a void in my soul where MSU sports used to be, and it's with a bittersweet pain that i say goodbye to a glorious 8 months of MSU football and basketball (more glorious on the basketball side).

Hey, I guess they're right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don't you go dying on me!

thankfully, the end of april also signifies something else: the beginning of summer movies. this is the time i switch from obsessively reading about and watching sports on the weekend, to obsessively reading about and watching movies on the weekend. truly, it is a magical time in this nerd's life.

ZANG!

so, here is part one of the upcoming movies of summer (and yes, summer starts in april according to hollywood). i've included links to the IMDB pages for all of the movies, so if you have questions on who's in it or a full plot synopsis, go there. i'll give you basically what i think about each movie. also, these are only the movies i plan on seeing, so if you're looking for a tidbit on the new Sex and the City movie (or as i like to call it, The Journey Into Obscurity: Kicking and Screaming), Shrek 15, or the new twilight abortion (i refuse to capitalize this) look elsewhere.

and here... we... go.

April:

• we start off with Clash of the Titans. i should probably actually write a full review of this movie, as i've already seen it. frankly, the movie isn't worth the review. it sucked. i'd liken it to One Missed Call, in that it's just bad enough to be terrible, but not so bad that it's funny. i went into this one with extremely lowered expectations after reading reviews, and it still didn't live up to them. if you go see it, see it in 2D, and just ignore the lack of plot, coherence, and acting. the CGI stuff wasn't even that good, and that's what the movie was built around. sigh.
• and now on to movies i have hopes for. on april 16 we get Kick-Ass. this movie is based on a stand-alone graphic novel, which i own, and which is, well, kick ass. the thing seriously rocks. if they do this movie even remotely like the comic book, i can tell you 3 things: 1) it will be extremely violent; 2) you're going to be shocked/entertained by the little girl, and 3) if you're reading this blog, you'll probably like it. i have extremely high hopes for this movie, and if hollywood fucks it up, well, you'll hear about it.
• april 23 brings us The Losers. this is also based on a stand-alone graphic novel. clearly, hollywood cannot do anything original that's any good anymore, but as long as they use good source material, i'm ok with it. this movie has chris evans in it, and he's sweet. really, the guy is funny as hell. it also has Stringer Bell from The Wire, so that should be enough to ensure that Jerry, Brett, Nate, Aaron, and Powers go see it.
• rounding out april (the 30th) is A Nightmare on Elm Street. hollywood loves remakes right now, anyone who's seen a movie in the last 10 years can tell you. now, i've seen the remakes of Halloween and Friday the 13th, and i actually liked both of those. they were a pretty good homage to the slasher films of the 70s and 80s, and they featured two qualities that make slasher films great: 1) excessive and intricate deaths; and 2) gratuitous female nudity. let's hope that Elm Street continues the trend. oh, also a bit of fun trivia for you. the guy who is playing freddy is jackie earle haley (one ugly sonofabitch, i can tell you). back when the first movie was made, he needed someone to go with him to the audition, so he took his roommate. his roommate got the part, and it was his first ever movie role. you may have heard of this guy. the roommate was johnny depp. personally, i hope they reenact his death in the new movie (he gets sucked into his bed and spewed onto the ceiling in a fountain of gore. awesome).

May:

• on may 7th, the big daddy of them all, possibly the most anticipated movie of the summer: Iron Man 2. people are really excited about this movie, myself included. there are actually predictions that it'll break The Dark Knight's opening weekend record. i honestly wouldn't doubt it, since there are two driving forces in the movie-going audience that one should never underestimate: nerds, and the horniness of teenage girls (see, e.g., Twilight and Titanic). it goes without saying that i'm excited about this one. the second movie in a superhero series tends to be the best one (The Dark Knight, Spider-Man 2, X-Men 2, etc). it's not until the 3rd one that they really start fucking up. after that we get the 4th one, which is a total shitfest, and then the inevitable 5th movie, which is a remake. so this could be the last hurrah for iron man. hopefully they do it properly.
• may 14th gives us Robin Hood. this is ridley scott and russell crowe together again in a period piece. did you see gladiator? did you like it? of course you did. you'll probably like this one too. my only reservation is that cate blanchett is maid marian. that woman is not attractive. can they not get a hot older woman to be maid marian, just once? there are a billion actresses over 35 out there looking for work; give 'em a chance.
  
• if you'll notice, there's a good movie out every weekend from this friday till may 14th. that's a lot of movies for me to see, and it's gonna cost me. thank god may 21st gives me a break in MacGruber. will i see this one? only if someone else is paying. i'm including it on the list because SNL has actually been funny lately, and because any movie with the description "Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, violence, language and some nudity" tends to entertain me. if not, i'll play golf this weekend or something.
• may 28th brings us what could possibly be a milestone in hollywood history: the first time a movie based on a video game is actually worth watching. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time is the whole disney/bruckheimer team, and while they don't make "good" movies, they do make entertaining ones. i actually like jake gyllenhall, and gemma arterton is hot, so at least this movie has those two perks going for it. it'll also feature some good special effects, and we can all continue to enjoy the decline in ben kinglsey's dignity. ghandi was a long fuckin' time ago, buddy; you'd better hold onto that oscar like grim death.
• also on may 28th, Survival of the Dead. ZOMBIES! if you need more of an explanation, you obviously have never met me.

June:

• on the 4th, we have Get Him to the Greek. this is a spinoff from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, featuring the two funniest people from that movie, russell brand and jonah hill. jason segel has his moments, but i kinda hate him a bit after I Love You, Man and How I Met Your Mother (that show sucks, other than NPH, who is the man). at the very least, you can expect this movie to have some sweet dick jokes, and really, that's enough for the majority of this blog's readers.
  
• also on the 4th, Splice comes out. i mentioned this one in my last post. please, please let it be good. really, i want a good sci-fi horror movie, and i think that the devoted masses who grew up on this stuff in the 80s and 90s deserve to be rewarded for putting up with the recent slew of crap.
• june 11th, The A-Team. oh yes. i mean come on, this movie has jessica biel (one of the hottest women ever), liam neeson (have you seen Taken? go, watch it now), bradley cooper (second funniest guy in the Hangover), sharlto copley (who? oh Wikus from District 9, who got FUCKING ROBBED at the oscars), and quentin "rampage" jackson filling in for Mr. T. how can this movie NOT kick ass?
• also on june 11, The Karate Kid. no. just no. i love remakes, but this is going too far. you don't fuck with mr. miagi. you do not put jackie chan in his shoes. you do not put the spawn of will smith in china and tell him to be this generation's ralph macchio. this is just fucking wrong! i'm putting this one on here just so that you DON'T go see it. unless it's badass, in which case i'll eat my hat.
• june 18th, Jonah Hex. yet another graphic novel movie. i haven't really read too much about this one, but it looks like it's got some decent actors in it. and megan fox. god i hate that girl. is she hot? yes. is she a terrible actress? watch Jennifer's Body and try not to cringe. if there's any kind of a god, she'll go the lindsey lohan route, put out some nude pics, hit the fast track to the downward spiral, and all her subsequent movies will be straight to dvd. one can hope.
• june 25th, Grown Ups. i'm not quite ready to completely write off adam sandler. he's like an abusive spouse. everything was great when you were dating (SNL years), and then the first few years of marriage were amazing (Airheads, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Bulletproof). then, things started to change (The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy). you were ok with that change, and you thought you could live with it, but things got worse (Little Nicky, Mr. Deeds). then there was a tiny bright spot, and the bruises had almost healed (Spanglish, The Longest Yard). just when you weren't expecting it, he came home drunk, hit you again, and this time he put some stank on it (Click, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, You Don't Mess with the Zohan). ouch. this is your last chance, sandler, and it's only because you've got chris rock, steve buscemi, norm macdonald, david spade, and tim meadows helping you out. oh, and salma hayek. i've had a crush on her ever since Desperado.
• also on june 25th, Knight and Day. the previews for this actually look promising. also, i'm not a tom cruise hater like so many others. the man is nuttier than squirrel poo, and scientology barely edges out mormonism for craziest religion (a distant third: snake handlers), but he makes pretty decent movies. cameron diaz, well, yeah. she's no longer the funny goofy hot girl that she was in There's Something About Mary, or the sultry hot mistress that she was in The Mask, or the aggressive hot team owner in Any Given Sunday. sadly, the word "hot" and cameron diaz no longer go together. time has not been kind to this woman. it's a shame, as she was the shit in the early 90s.

that's it for the first half of the summer. july and august offer some gems as well, and i'll write about those tomorrow. and you damn well know i'm gonna go see Kick-Ass on friday.

oh, and if you're reading this, feel free to comment. i would actually like to know if people are reading this thing or not.

whatever happened to good sci-fi horror movies?

been awhile since i've posted, and i really have no excuse for it. with my unemployment soon to be at an end, it seems like a good idea to take this up again as a way to procrastinate.

so. i watched The Fly a few nights ago. not the old 1950's one, which i kindof want to see now, but 1986's david cronenberg remake starring jeff goldblum and geena davis. first off, a few notes on the movie itself:

1. great makeup effects. maybe i'm just nostalgic for the great makeup of the 80s, but man, it feels like they don't do makeup anymore. CGI is great and all, but for some things, moviemakers should stick with tangible effects. a perfect example of this is the recent trend to use CGI for blood and miscellaneous wounds (they did this in ninja assassin a lot). stick to blood packets and squibs guys; we can tell when that shit is computer generated.
2. geena davis is a freak of nature, and also quite the butterface. 6 foot tall chick in good shape? sounds great. then you look at that 80s frizzy hair and those weirdass cheekbones, and man, just kills the mood.
   
3. jeff goldblum is the man. i could listen to him talk about anything. a perfect example of this is found here (ignore the stupid burger king thing at the beginning).
4. david cronenberg loves to gross you out. i remember watching this movie when i was about 12. my mom was still at work, and my dad made my brothers and i spaghetti. as we're chowing down on glorious italian delights, the scene comes on where jeff goldblum bites off a fingernail and then loses other various body parts. lotta pus in those scenes. thank god we weren't eating vanilla pudding.
5. great music. music can so often make a good movie great. try to imagine star wars, jaws, indiana jones, or saturday night fever (didn't see that one coming, didja) without the music. it just doesn't work. also, sometimes the music is infinitely better than the movie. i felt this way about last of the mohicans (terrible boring movie, possibly some of the best music ever). and yes i know a lot of people love that movie, but they're nuts. anyway, the music in The Fly fits so perfectly with the tension and overall despair of Brundlefly's journey into hell. well done Howard Shore.
   

ok, so that's all i want to say about the movie specifically. the real point of this post is to bitch about current horror movies, specifically the genre of sci-fi horror/thriller. i think back on movies i love in this genre, and all of them came from before 2000. examples: Alien, Event Horizon, The Fly, Species (first saw it when i was 12; take one damn guess why i loved it), The Thing, Mimic, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Terminator, Predator (kinda thriller/horror, since they were being hunted) and probably about a million more that i'm forgetting.

now, post 2000, what do we get? 4, count them, 4 goddamned Resident Evil movies, and every single one is just unfathomably terrible. as long as we're talking about Resident Evil movies, let's just do the whole uwe boll countdown: Alone in the Dark (1 and 2), Far Cry, House of the Dead, etc. also, we got Aliens vs. Predator (garbage) and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (highly entertaining garbage). i had high hopes for Pandorum, and even that one eventually fell through. let us also not forget The Chronicles of Riddick. it seems like pretty much all of the sci-fi horror/thriller movies that came out in the 2000s were pretty terrible.

now granted, there are a few exceptions. Sunshine was awesome, and it had some Event Horizon-esque moments. there are probably more, but i'm blanking on them right now. suffice to say, it feels like the vast majority of these movies now are garbage. so what's the problem with them? aside from the terrible writing, acting, and directing, they just all feel so cliche. there's always darkly lit corridors (stolen from Alien), way too many quick cuts and flashing lights (who the fuck installs strobe lights in a spaceship?), some kind of sabotage (yes, let's man the ship holding the fate of mankind with 3 goddamn people, one of whom is clearly crazy), and usually too neat of a wrapup in the end.

also, there just doesn't seem to be any love for the project. if a studio spends 50 million on a movie, current ticket prices, combined with wide releases, pretty much guarantee that the thing is gonna make its costs back. if you dropped 150 million on a movie back when ticket prices were $3, you really had to be sure it was going to kick ass. otherwise, you end up with Waterworld. also, now they can just tack 3D onto the movie post-production, do a truly shitty job of it (see, e.g., the new clash of the titans), and the movie will rake in an extra $3-5 per ticket. it's a veritable gold mine. so instead of making a movie that actually has to depend on a story, acting, and good direction to pack the seats, we get visual orgies with about as much plot and character development as Debbie Does Dallas (without the bonus of, you know, an actual orgy).

as an example of this point, look up there at the shitty movies i listed, and try to name a GOOD actor or director in any one of those movies. hell, i actually challenge you to name even one actor in any of those movies that isn't milla jovovich or vin diesel. alone in the dark starred christian slater and tara reid, for fuck's sake (and she played an archaeologist!!). the directors are just as bad. by contrast, the good movies of back in the day had actual talent behind them. james cameron did great writing/directing for Terminator, john carpenter did the same for The Thing, ridley scott made a story about space truckers amazing in Alien, natasha henstridge's amazing breasts made Species an instant classic, and even Event Horizon had A-list talent (morpheus AND dr. alan grant from Jurassic Park).

so are those movies from a bygone era, and we're now forced to watch absolutely shitty sci-fi horror/thriller from now on? actually, no. there appears to be hope for the future. ridley scott is doing an Alien prequel (so excited, as the Alien franchise is one of my all-time favorites). another Predator movie (aptly named ... Predators) is coming out this summer. written by Robert Rodriguez and starring topher grace, adrien brody, morpheus, and shane from The Shield. clearly that's an all-star action team right there; you don't fuck with eric foreman. there's also an indie darling called Splice that's supposed to be pretty decent. i'm sure there are many more, but i'm not going to look them up just yet. i don't want to jinx it.

maybe this is a sign of better times to come. maybe i can finally hold my nerd head up high and say that yes, i like science fiction, and i specifically like it when it scares the shit out of me. i think that'll be a good day for america.